Welcome Bags Delayed Again

I was counting down the days hoping to hear that my kids would receive their welcome bags any day. I found out today that the staff person who was suppose to travel the end of this month is now not traveling until mid August. Ugghh, I just wanted my kids to know... so bad. Well a bunch of people are returning from ET soon so hopefully they were able to take pics of them together. Love you children..

Joy

Tonight's entry is dedicated to my friend Joy . She finally has gotten her referral for 2 boys after her adoption journey has started over a year ago. We have known each other via email since last summer because we were with the same agency for Zambia. This is such a joyous moment for both of us because now we can share our stories of our future children together!

Joy has done so much for me. Although she is over 10 years younger than me and I should be the one mentoring her, she has been truly mentoring me about family, children, motherhood and being the wife. In a Godly way, the way that has been long overdue for me.

Just a few nights ago when Joy got her referral, we talked on the phone for the first time. I couldn't believe that we had gone this long without talking to each other, ever. To me it was a conversation that just was between two sisters, as we have know each other forever. Nothing about our conversation was complicated, it was just good.

Joy has also inspired me to have my own blog and get in tuned with the blogger world of adoption. Although I think that was somewhat a bad influence (haha, just joking) because I am hooked now. I think once the children get here, I won't be so hooked anymore because I will be busy.

But the best thing about Joy is that she has been a true friend from a distance. I cannot count the days when I was in the dumps about my adoption journey and she has always lifted me right out of it. I have noticed that in the blogger world you can have lots of acquaintances. But true friends don't come often, the ones that stick with you like glue. Just like how it is in real life. For me, I have found that I have lost most of my friends because we don't share the same interests anymore.

Now that we both have referrals, hopefully we can travel to ET together even though we don't have the same agency. We both seem to be at the same point that when court opens again we should be heard pretty soon after that.

Joy, you are truly loved and a REAL friend. You are a true woman of God who puts her savior first over everything.

Oh one more thing.... and one day in the middle of the night I will come to AZ and steal little Joanna. She is my girl!

Keep Praying Please

Please keep praying for Carolyn that the Lord would open large doors and for Yordi as she keeps vomitting. Go to her blog, as Carolyn is very specific for prayer requests. Hopefully she will get to leave ET early next week. Hopefully! I don't know Carolyn that much but I KNOW that she would give you the shirt of her back. I am that serious.

Adoption Journey Continued - Zambia

This is the day I asked B if he wanted to come live with us.

This is the day B came to stay with me at the hotel

At B's orphanage

As people are reading my blog and really don't know my adoption story, I wanted to share today my 2nd attempt.

On Thursday, July 24, when I announced the court submissions for my kids came a bittersweet memory of last year. On July 24, 2007, I met B. in Zambia. After my failed adoption in Guatemala, I felt that it was pretty much a year since Juan A. and now had the urge coming on that we needed to try again. I embarked on this last minute journey with an agency promising us to get a child if we had our homestudy ready. Of course I did.

When we got to Zambia, some of us got our children within a week of being there. But towards the end we found out from the high minister herself that adoptions aren't really open to foreigners which means we were mislead by the agency. My agency then probably did not do enough research to know that we weren't doing the right thing and just went on using the families that went before us as an example. To those who read this blog and know of my journey, this is not to intent to bash the agency I went with so please don’t leave anything negative about them. I will delete it immediately. It is purely to talk about my journey.

Today, almost returning a year since then, the Zambians have opened up adoptions to foreigners but are making it nearly impossible to adopt because they now requiring that you foster the child for 12 months in Zambia. Do you get what they are trying to do? They want to look good and not get too much bad press. And after the 12 months, you are still not guaranteed to bring your kids home.

Almost 2 months ago, my B. has ran away from the orphanage where he was at. The orphanage director where he was at has stated that he was seen in a village where his relatives live. To me that is hard to believe because my boy has been severely beaten by them (all of them) and for him to run to them, that would be hard to believe. B. is really hard to get over because my husband and I have build a relationship over the months of separation where we have been calling him almost every weekend before he ran away. And really I don't think anybody is looking for him. For a 10+ y/o boy to run away that is no big deal like it would be here in the States.

Some might ask, why Zambia? I don't know, I guess I had chosen Zambia a year ago because I was a desperate parent trying to bring a child home. I wished I had done more research, but I didn't. Two years into my journey, I have most definetly done my research on what country is safe to adopt from. We live and learn and have to fall a few times..

Here is B's description from my old blog:

B's parents died when he was about 3 years old. Both of his parents died back to back on HIV positive. I had him tested and he is negative. He then was raised by his 3 uncles but mainly 2 of them making him beg in the streets and if he couldn't bring any money home they would just beat him and beat him. He finally ran away from them and ended up at the orphanage where he has lived for the past 6 years. The great comfort in this adoption journey is that he truly is an orphan. Even his uncles don't have anymore rights to him. They wouldn't anyway because they have a criminal history on beating him. But the oldest brother in the tribe signed away all rights. With everything he has been through he has this wonderful personality. A great sense of humor, intelligent, speaks at least 3 languages. School wise he is pretty behind since all the children attend the same class room but I have no doubt that eventually he will catch on.

Dossiers submitted to Court

Oh my goodness!!!!! My kids have been submitted to court on July 22. I hope some of my favorite people got submitted also. I will check later on their blog. I had to wait to write this post. I read my email about an hour ago and I was hysterically screaming and crying and I think I am calming down a little bit. I am glad I didn't get this email at work because I would have screamed right there and they would have had to take me out of my office.

That is really all I wanted to hear. Today was a big stepping stone in our journey. I know we won't make it before closure but that is fine. At least I know now that we are going to be hopefully heard in the month of October which will be my birthday month.

I am sick to my stomach right now and just making a pot of coffee didn't help much.

Prayers still needed for Carolyn and Yordi

Carolyn has contacted her friend Leslie. Please read Leslie's blog to see the update. Leslie's post made me feel so much more at peace knowing that Carolyn is at peace. Please continue to pray for Carolyn and her precious daughter at least until they touch American soil so she can get her to a hospital with physicians and technology to help this little girl. Thank you.

Prayers Desparately Needed

If you stop by this blog, please pray for Carolyn. She is in Ethiopia right now to pick up her daughter but she is very, very ill. She NEEDS to get back to the States quickly. Please pray that God will give Yordi the strength to make it back here. But also please pray for Carolyn as God has chosen and hand-picked this amazing woman to be the mother of the precious girl. Please go to Carolyn's Blog so you can get Carolyn's exact prayer request she needs right now. Carolyn "I love you". You have truly inspired me.

2 Years ago Today

July 15, 2006,I met Juan A. on my mission's trip in Guatemala. We were introduced by my friend Kristen and it was love at first sight. He was the coolest kid ever and a true boy. Why am I talking about him tonight. Because I tried to adopt him. He was my first one. Shortly after returning home from my mission trip we started the papers and hired an attorney in Guatemala. He put his photo in the papers for 3 months and a day before his court hearing, his biological mom showed up and claimed him. I was able to talk to him on the telephone before he left the orphanage and he told me he wanted to go with his mom and that little guy said to me "you have to stay strong mom, don't cry". This was very devastating for me and I was numb for many months to come. But because of Juan A. I started my adoption journey and he will be forever in my heart and soul. Enjoy the pictures below.

Guatemala Continued

Here I was in my ABSOLUTE element. I loved having all the kids close to me. Juan A. sneaking in quickly to check on mommy and off to play soccer again. BTW, I bought him that outfit. Each day he would come home from school, he would seek me out, give me a hug and kiss and run of and play. But he always had to check on me first.

This was the hardest moment ever. Saying good bye. I put him up on chair so I could hold him forever. I never thought I would say goodbye for good.

Juan Antonio dancing. That boy had some serious rhythm.

Thelma

Kristen and the Boys (Juan A. in the middle)

Carlitos on the left, Maria F. on the right. C was a humongous boy.

Karly and the boys. Juan A. with my red cap.

Maria Fernanda pouting again because I put her down.

Maria Fernanda and I. Sharing my water.


Last night, saying good bye to Juan Antonio

I was the little toddler mama on the mission trip because nobody wanted to be bothered with the little ones because they smelled like pee and poop all day. So did I (from holding them). This was our last night below. The little ones were just exhausted. Maria F. by my shoes.

Juan Antonio and I below sharing a private moment, just the two of us. Man, I loved this boy.

Maria Fernanda (in the white shirt below with food in her mouth) was my second favorite. She was so possessive over me that on the second day she made my neck bleed because she was so jealous because I played with other children. By the time I left I had her well trained and she shared me with all the children. Of course Juan A. didn't care. He just wanted to see his mom, check in, and then he left playing soccer again. True boy. My girl (just 2) would follow me everywhere. People would say, "here is your shadow".

The Kids' Doctor

Today Kevin and I got to go to Madigan Army Medical Center to meet with our childrens' doctor. What a nice lady. She looked at their charts and was very pleased. Of course I had to show her all my pictures too. This doctor also goes to the REACH CAMP each year which unfortunately my kids are not going to make because its Labor Day weekend. But Kevin and I will still attend. They actually fly in kids from all over the states if their preferred airlines go there. But the camp is all free. I was also pleased that this doctor is actually retired from the military so she won't go anywhere anytime soon. First thing I said to her "no uniform". Amen to that. Often times when you in the military you don't get to have the same doctor very long.

That means our medications and Dr. visits will be all free because its a military facility. I guess it finally paid off that Kevin served 22 years in the military.

If you wonder what my daughter in ET looks like?

Well here is my daughter Danica on her 4th birthday. I think my girl in ET looks so much like her. Danica keeps saying I cannot see it. Yeah H's skin might my more olive like and she has longer eyelashes but that's about it. When I can finally start to post her picture that I first got from the agency, I will put it right under this picture here.

Garage Sale Shopping

Yesterday was a good day. Before I accepted Jesus Christ into my heart and life just about 4 years ago, I was a very materialistic person and me me selfish person. Anytime I was down in the dumps, I would go on huge shopping excursions and try to make myself feel better. And believe me it wasn't no Walmart shopping back then. After a few days I would feel bad and return half the stuff I bought because I felt guilty.

So when I went on my garage sales yesterday, which I have really never done before, I had a glimpse of my old life thinking, "woman is that how you cure your pain"? By shopping? But really it wasn't that. I wasn't materialistic, I just wanted to feel close to my children and get some things for them, like do a little cheap nesting. Yesterday was so different. I was very humble because I do believe that there are garage sale shoppers that can be just like how I was before and just because they garage sell shop that doesn't make them any less worldly because they spent less. They think they get good deals and that is how they accumulate all this worldly junk they don't need. Worldly treasures we cannot take to heaven. Well and here it is, I got me some deals. I am so proud. That is the purpose of my post really, to brag what I got for $20.00 exact and here is:

For my boy B:
5 pair of pants, 3 sweat jackets, 1 sweatsuit, 1 pair of shorts

For my girl H:
3 white longs sleeve blouses, 1 pair of brand new sandals, 1 Disney Cinderella velvet jacket, and a pink winter jacket.

I also got a little purse and six children's books.

After that, I spent most of the day with Kevin, we went to Ikea and looked for beds. We found a really cool bed for our boy and think we will get a bunk bed for our girl. But I think we will wait to purchase the beds till after they make court. At least we know where to look. Kevin and I have decided with this adoption that we are not going crazy with big purchases like beds until we know the kids are ours. We have been through too much trying to adopt and blowing up money to adopt.

Welcome Bags Still Here

I emailed with the agency yesterday and asked if my kids had received their welcome bags and at first I got an email saying yes and they are sorting through the pics.

Next thing I knew I got another email saying that the welcome bags are still here and will not leave with staff to ET until the end of this month. So by the time I get pics it will probably be mid August.

First I had to face the fact that surely I will not make court before closure but that my precious children still don't know they have a forever family just ruined my day. I am now for the second day in the dumps and I really need to pull myself together.

My husband and I are going kid bed shopping tomorrow. I mean really we are just going to see what's out there. Hopefully that will bring some new excitement. Not that material things excite me anymore but the fact that it has to do with my precious children will make me feel better. Also I think they have some family garage sales. I never do those but I will try to hit some up tomorrow and maybe I can find some books or good stuff for my kids.

Danica is watching her sister so it will be just the two of us. I am looking forward to have that alone time with Kevin. He always seems to cheer me up.

The Children's Names

We have chosen names for the children.

I love biblical names so much but seem to like the boy names way better. Our little girl's name in ET gets butchered up all the time. I now have heard about 4 different pronouncations. I don't want her end up like our daughter Anastasia. People have such hard time saying Anastasia's name so I had to start telling people to call her Ana.

Our Boy's name will be Issac B. Hill
Our Girl's name will be Savannah H. Hill

We love our boy's ET name and his name is easy to pronounce.

Dreaming about my precious ones....

4th of July Family Photos

Wow, photos say a lot. Especially when one has gained a lot of weight. I am not trying to use my adoption journey as an excuse but boy, I have gained so much weight. Paper pregnant for 2 years is not funny. No more excuses. Soon, my 2 little ones get here and I have to keep up with them.

Danica and Me

The girls: Anastasia in the middle, Danica to the right

Oh and this is Fat Boy. I happen to have this on my camera and it was so cute. By the way, I have 2 cats and one dog.

AHOPE T-SHIRTS HAVE ARRIVED

If you don't know yet, the AHOPE children in ET are very, very dear to my heart. They have finally launched the first t-shirts for sale and soon hopefully more items are come. Please click on the AHOPE picture below and consider ordering a t-shirt to benefit the HIV orphans in ET. Also if you want the link to put on your blog, please let me know.

Dossier Mailed to Ethiopia

I found out that my dossier is actually shipped off to Ethiopia Today. It doesn't seem to get me excited at all especially when I think that I will not make court before they close.

As for my agency, they can submit dossiers up to July 14. That is 2 more weeks but my dossier is not even there yet and even if it gets there in one week that would only give me a week to have my dossier translated. Why did my timing had to be sooooo close to court. Courts will close August 5.

I absolutely love my agency but there has been so many hold-ups that the dossier could have been in ET by now. First the social worker is new, then the dossier lady goes to Thailand and then simply my file sitting there for an extra week.

Why I have this frustration is because even if my dossier had gotten there like a week ago, I could have had a huge chance to make court.

I said from the beginning I wouldn't make it to court before closing but there was always a slight hope.

God has really tested my patience during this long wait of my adoption journey but if he says wait I have to wait. I can't make anything happen so he must have his obvious reasons for me not going until November.

Sad day. I miss my children so much.