As I decided to fast mainly for my friend on Thursday from Friday to Sunday, little did I know that I desperately needed to do it for myself also. My hubby helped by keeping the kids so I could be secluded and outside at nature where I needed to be.
Instead of acting meek when I got the news Friday morning about my son, I felt sorry for myself and became deflated in an instant. It hurt so badly I wanted to puke. It felt like my breath was sucked out of me. It wasn't just an easy fix but it was shocking more than anything.
Which brings me to my Title above. Little did I know how Satan can still get to me when it comes to "Adoption". I have learned since I have been a Christ Follower to fight that nasty little serpent pretty good and not let him enter my soul easily but on Friday satan put me in an emotional tailspin like I haven't experienced since I lost my son in Guatemala. He got a foothold of me. Once again I found myself Disappointed, Discouraged, Dejected and finally in Dispair. This is called the warfare of the evil one. Usually I fight with one of the four "D"'s but rarely all 4 together.
Nobody is in control. Not the agency, not the orphanage, nobody. The only one here in control is my GOD and obviously for reasons to glorify him, not me or anyone else in their pity, he will hand over Amira and "B" to me when it is His timing alone. I just have to get that in my fat head.
Granted, that doesn't mean that I am going to let the agency step all over me and just take advantage of me. In many ways this is still inexcuseable and doesn't make much sense. I am eventually going to get Amira if they wouldn't be able to find his dad and I am sure the agency will agree with me but I now know that I have to wait a little longer until God leads the way to let something glorious happen.
God left me with these verses to hold on to this weekend:
Is 26: 3-4 You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal
Rom 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of the world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.
1 Peter 5:10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, form and steadfast.
2 comments:
That verse..."Do not conform any longer to the patter of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect world." Oh my goodness...I don't know how many times that has jumped out to me in many different situations. This world os not what God wanted it to be and it is not what we are living for. We are living for our AMAZING God who loves us so much that He plans out every moment of our lives for us. It is so hard to face every day and always remind yourslelf that this world is against us but God only wants to give us the desires of our heart.
I love you Andrea...Satan has nothing on us when we seek God and cry out to him for His wonderful grace, forgivness and love instead of what this world can offer us.
Andrea,
What a beautiful thing fasting is! Many of our life-changing times in our spiritual walk came about or more clear through prayer and fasting. I am so encouraged how the Lord has used His word to rebuke and revive you. Isn't it amazing how He can take our fallen selves and make something glorious from it? He makes beauty from ashes.
Much love,
Joy
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